Usually a Good Test Taker

**For those of you who do not know about my day job, I am a Private Wealth Manager. I began my career 6 years ago and had no clue what I was getting myself into. Before you can provide financial advice there are a series of test that you have to pass to get the appropriate licenses. I had already taken the SEVEN HOUR LONG dreaded Series 7, Variable Products and a Life, Accident & Health exam and the last one I had to pass was the Series 66. This was a letter I wrote regarding that test...**

"Dear Lord, if I can just pass this exam I promise I will never cuss or drink or smoke crack again."

These were the words I found myself muttering while staring at a blue screen in a room cold enough to hang meat. This was the *second* time I was faced with this same screen for the same daunting Series 66 exam.

           Yes, I failed it the first time. … Miserably.

I used the mandated 30 day wait to retake the exam to diligently study and totally stress out. Last night, at around 2 AM, it dawned on me that, no pressure, but my entire career, and future, rest on the grade I receive on this test alone:

                  Pass: Life is wonderful and I become the next woman billionaire

                  Fail: Bag lady at Kroger.

And so the annoying twitch in my left eye, brought on by stress, began. After 4 hours of restlessly staring at the clock and 20 minutes of actual sleep had passed my alarm (set to country music thankyouverymuch Brad) reached decibel levels that only dogs can hear. I got up, got dressed, and ran out of the door so that I would have plenty of time to get to the testing center.

           Did I mention that the testing center was across town? It was rush hour traffic?

I was so nervous about the possibility of being a bag lady and being forced to wear a smock with my name on it forever that I almost threw up.

                            About three times.

                                     Before I got out of my driveway.

This was probably compounded by the fact that in the last 48 hours I had consumed thrice the legal amount of caffeinated Coffee Frappachino as determined by the FDA. All hail Starbucks! About half way there, running right on time, trying not to hyperventilate, I realized I was "heading in the wrong direction", ok, um, err… I was extremely lost. My mind had been turned into mashed potatoes by all the studying and I didn’t even know WHO I was let alone WHERE I was.

Now my eye is still twitching, I have a bag in my hand to catch the impending puke, and I call my mother trying to explain to her where the directions might be. Panic fell on me with a force second only to when I heard that Sex and the City was about to air its *gasp* final season. At this point I am going the wrong way on I-285 and there are horns honking and birds being flicked and angry commuters cursing my name all while trying to understand what my mother is saying to me while anxiously looking at the clock to calculate how many minutes I have before I should just give up and go to Kroger to just turn myself in.

With the help of my Mother, Rand McNally and compass that came with a Happy Meal, I found my way to the testing center with .00097 seconds to spare. I had been very careful to bring my notes with me so I could have a quick review right before I began the test. As I started to look over said notes I realized that my forethought had been in vain due to the fact that my Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance packet would not help me pass the Uniformed Combined State Law Exam. I had picked up the wrong papers!!

So, defeated, discouraged, and hyped up on Frappachinos, eye twitching, and still carrying my puke bag I went in to take the test. After you are finished the computer grades the test while you wait for a millennium 15 seconds and it was at this point I said my little prayer. When I opened my eyes I couldn’t believe what I saw, an 81??!?!

                                     I got an 81!!!

All I needed to pass was a 71. Did you know that 81 is the most magical, wonderful number in the world? So, move over Opra, there is a new billionaire in the making!

         And bag ladies everywhere: Your Jobs Are Safe! ...  For now :)



  1. I LOVE IT!!!! This is the best blog in the entire world.. Blogspot should be proud... your friends and family should be proud... and YOU should be proud... haha.

    Seriously, laughed out loud... multiple times... reading this at work... My co-workers all think I am crazy for laughing to myself while doing "charting" on my patients (shh.. don't tell that I read blogs while giving chemo)... Honestly, so glad you did this! :) You are a great writer and one of the funniest humans alive. You actually verbalize what everyone else is really thinking but aren't able to phrase in just the right way to bring out the humor and true sense of the situation... keep it up!!!

    And... we should hang out sometime... meet in atl for a girls' weekend??

  2. Wow, Lizzy! That is so sweet - you really made my day :) I am glad you enjoy my writing, and I really enjoy your photography! I hope to keep you laughing!

    PS = just tell me the weekend and I and all for it!! We can stay at my house!!!